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Monday, February 06, 2006

I.A.A.C.G.L. Gets Called Out By a Former Cosmo-naut

Well, last week saw our blog featured on Gawker, MSN and Nerve among several others and, predictably, traffic soared--yet, no backlash, not even a murmur from a current Cosmo employee, or please, please, Lawd please, a Cosmo higher-up. And this, despite the fact that dozens and dozens of IP addresses from Hearst Corp* (yeah, we know you read our blog) have viewed the site. A current Cosmo employee mole that may be working for me in the future (interview to come soon...) has even informed me that the great Brooke Le Poer Trench has read the blog post about her. Yet still no response. Please, other Cosmo insiders, hell, other Cosmo folks that want to defend your terrible monthly advice, we very much look forward to hearing from you--email us, your anonymity will remain secure, I promise.

For now, though, we'll focus on a former Cosmo-naut that contacted me and who which I'm still having a very nice conversation with, which I'm not allowed to discuss further at this point. However, she did bring up a terrific point which I'd like to address. After a heated exchange she asked me, actually told me:

" are either a jerk or you don't get laid very often."

A very valid point. How can I make fun of Cosmo's terrible sex advice if I'm less sex-savvy than them? (Note: I make no bones about be a jerk--I very much am). Making fun of Cosmo's advice if I could offer none better myself would be like a big fat guy making fun of and brutally critiquing all the phenomenal athletes in the NFL. Oh wait...

Len Pasquarelli, fat blowhard.

Jason Whitlock, enormously fat critic of in-shape athletes/slash people that can actually touch their toes.

OK, fair enough--but, nevertheless, I KNOW what I'm talking about. So I encourage readers of this blog to please send in any sex questions and we'll answer them with veracious advice, good advice, not the shit way that Cosmo would and does.

Send sex questions to CosmoAaron.

(And send questions about how to be a jerk to the same address.)

*The Hearst Corporation publishes Cosmopolitan along with such other now-shitty magazines as Redbook, Good Housekeeping, and Fellatio Insider, all the while William Randolph Hearst rolls around in his grave. Rosebud!

Thanks for the heads up. I'll definitely check it out.
PLEASE take a look at the current issue of ELLE, the "Virgin Hall of Fame," and some of the ridiculous letters there (since you say you're not strictly Cosmo-oriented in your mockery). Ample material, my friend.
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