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Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Women's Most Private Sex Questions Answered
A: That's funny, sometimes when I'm having sex with you, my penis makes a noise that sounds a bit like (muffled): "Aaron...quit sticking me into stupid women's cooters." But seriously, if you truly want to prevent this vagina noise, just quit spreading your legs for every guido that tells you you're pretty.
A: Seriously, Cosmopolitan here gives a more fucking retarded answer than I could ever possibly conjure up (and I've been drinking tonight). So just read their's in its entirety:
A: Wait...is this a woman asking this question? "(You're) not sure if (you're) doing it well"? Question: are several ounces of spunk floating on top of your vocal cords after you're finished? Yes? Well then you're probably at least doing it " O.K." How can you make it "awesome" though? By not being such a stupid uptight bitch that is so concerned with her "technique" that she writes into COSMO for advice. Oh yeah, and by buying your man lots of free drinks. Then, he'll definitely think you give awesome head.
A: Wait, what's a "period"? Is that when flowers spring from your asshole while beer pours from your nipples in pure ecstasy? No? What's that? You say it's when a sticky, odoriferous blood flows out of your snatch once a month? OK. Short answer: yes to all women, that will totally gross your guy out--get real. In fact, you'll probably be lucky if you don't gross out your vibrator, causing it to spontaneously eject its batteries and refuse to serve you. If you're truly that horny, you're going to have to get a little "red fingers."
A: Yes. Don't make your man ever go down on your sardine can.
A: Wow! You use both missionary AND woman-on-top in a single fuck session?! Slow down Miss Karma Sutra! Do you guys grab each other's butts too? Outstanding! I think this is far too expert of question for the good folks at COSMO to answer. A question more up their alley might be something like: "When switching from jerking off with my left hand to jerking off with my right hand, do most people use a tag team move to switch hands or simply use a re-grip like Stallone in 'Over the Top?'"
A: I've heard women have brains. Where are they located? And what should I do if I find one? Help!
(images from Cosmopolitan magazine)
Regarding period sex, I am usually the one who doesn't want to have sex during my period, simply because cleanup is a hassle. In MOST cases, the guy has insisted that he doesn't care and just wants some. However, this is generally with a guy I have an ongoing thing with, not a random. I think a guy's tolerance for grossness goes up with someone he is fond of/familiar with, and ditto for girls toward guys.
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