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Thursday, January 05, 2006
Women: Glamour Reveals the Secrets to Man-Speak!!!

To wit, let's examine Glamour's January issue:

Let's look at a few of their vocab words. All supplied courtesy of "Jake." He calls himself--quite lasciviously--"the Snake, as in Jake the Snake." Not because he has a big penis or anything, but because he's a big fucking loser. There will be no pop quiz later in the week, do not worry about trying to memorize the terms.







So, those were all terrible words from the male lexicon, Jake. I'd like to offer a few "male" vocab words of mine own, seeing as that I actually am a real man that hangs out with other real men and also brings real women home from bars (without having to call them vocab words other than "sluts" and "skanks").
"THE T.L.C."
Much different than the "Destiny's Child," this is when a woman brings along her whole "crew" on a date, and one of them dies in a car wreck and the other gets sickle cell anemia--DURING THE DATE!
"THE GAG OF DEATH"
This is when a woman chokes on your semen after blowing you, causing me, Aaron, to fall into the actual Laugh of Death.
"WOMEN LIKE ASSHOLES"
This is what it's called when you act like a Fourth Grader. For some reason women prefer guys who fart on them, make fun of their fat asses, and then say that they'll never call them. Women fuck those guys--those "fourth graders." The guys that sing Journey songs to her, well, they end up going home and crying over their keyboard as they write their newest column for Glamour.
"PATHETIC PUSSY FAGGOT-ASS GODDAMNED SHITHEAD DOUCHE BAG"
This fancy term is what we real men use to refer to the men that write for Glamour. Like Jake.

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You actually wasted time reading this crap and writing about it?.. I don't know hat weirder: Glamour or you!
"Jake" has been writing for Glamour for what, 75 years? If Jake is real, he must have a prostate the size of Roosevelt Island.
Jake combs through Glamour magazine with a fine tooth comb. There's a reason why Jake is living single.
"Jake" wears baseball caps meticulously turned backwards, just like the guy on Gilmore girls, to give him a touch of apparent veracity as a real guy.
So, you're a "real" man?:)I think you and Jake need to get together,have sex and get it over with...I see a few Freud-like comments him in your article...You both suck:)
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